the heart of the soul

new painting

Wed, 29 Dec 2004 03:37:59 GMT

new journal. add me and ill add back

Thu, 25 Nov 2004 01:02:11 GMT

Tue, 23 Nov 2004 02:11:51 GMT

(we never did let her know what was beyond those beady eyes of hers. as she swept away in a life that she thought was the life to live. her family and the treeswing outback where the mist of the sky planned out what her future was. the morning of her mothers death at a sudden shock drove her to hope religion would save her. the cross behind her every step of her choices in the castle that WAS the world. the isolation never seemed to bother her, well because she didnt know any different. the strinking pose of death left her in the danglement of what was life?....
she never saw beyond the horizon of the sheltered closet that she dwelled in. living everyday only off her breath and the suffocation of her mind. over and over she watched her mother drop at supper time. she never knew such a thing existed. still waiting for her mommy to get her from the closet she locked herself in. the morning after the next, she trots out looking for her mother. into the kitchen she walked. 1 man hanging, 2 children dangling like coffee pots from the ceiling......)

(she swings the closet door open) 15 years of knowing nothing. her eyes paralyzed. that icy blue smile. terror to the truth. unfolding the shoe box, gripping life at its neck. red paint suited the rooms colors anyways....

Sun, 21 Nov 2004 03:58:38 GMT

new song! its all about michelle and her bad/good adventures when shes alone in a room wtih a banana.

http://www.purevolume.com/thecowboyconspiracy

Sat, 20 Nov 2004 20:33:06 GMT

new fucking art

Sat, 20 Nov 2004 04:02:28 GMT

Fri, 19 Nov 2004 06:06:16 GMT

my new band

Sat, 13 Nov 2004 05:53:04 GMT

http://www.purevolume.com/thecowboyconspiracy

me, lee, michelle

the best 20 minute session ever

expect a hardcore EP out soon. all about the western frontier and all the WHAWHAHWAWHAW
you better be hittin' that shit up. also look for blessedbe and starlightmoon if you are in the mood for a little more talent.

we are all excited, bring the mosh pit!

we are so fucking EMO

p.s. THIS IS MY FUCKING ART, ILL HAVE NEW PAINTINGS UP VERY SOOOONN!!! leave a comment

http://oceansunsets.deviantart.com/

Tue, 09 Nov 2004 22:37:55 GMT

the volunteer hitlist

Wed, 03 Nov 2004 03:24:11 GMT

I am the face of death.....

fuck beautiful bridges

1 cheer to goodtimes, and one for all

crumbling to the sea

she shouted it all in my ear like a whisper

goodbye beautiful bridges...

re-occurence, whats my dream mean?

Mon, 01 Nov 2004 04:35:45 GMT

[scene opens on friends driveway]
squating, bawling into his hands in the middle of his friends driveway, he turns around to see where the screaming is coming from. the potent smell of death, he turns around again to see his hands filled with blood. in hysteria, he turns around again to see the flames and the continuous screaming. from the garage ceiling, three men lay frozen hanging from the hooks in the garage door.
Him: what is this?! what have i done?!

the blood pouring from his hands, he runs frantically from the house...

Mon, 01 Nov 2004 03:37:37 GMT

the bridges are burning
our faces together is the face of death
beautiful meadows in the sunsets
i am what i could have been
black sharpie marker to my neck
mark X for the puncture
the sea is drowning
your legs in the mist, like the ghost that never was
city walks, noise for my face
the comeback of the photo's
the sky is cloudy
my starry night, where are you?
the sea sank
the bridges gone...
we are the face of death...

Thu, 28 Oct 2004 23:33:48 GMT

...running away from the drifting sun
i hope it never catches me
the knifes(love) in her heart, the past that created my imaginery friend
i was led by a little girl, black hair with those gorgeous dark eyes. i didnt let go
the haunting glisten of the moon upon her face
never letting that smile break off her face, perfection upon the floor
my starry night, my wonder of life. the savior, to where the last shot wasnt close enough for me to be satistified
ghouls, trying to take back what they once lost. scars like a on-coming disaster
sunrise: its always the darkest before the light arises. only the worst is to become of this
all those conceited smiles, just as dark as the night, just as beautiful as the day
my lost treasures, my lost devils. forgotten sunsets, too many night for a frenzy to remember
sun: i hope you still hold tight...i will never let go

morning: we were undeveloped film. i was still cold as my eyes froze over, her hand on fire. i was still dreaming of how much time i had left in her hand.

9 more hours till sunset.....

Tue, 26 Oct 2004 03:00:42 GMT

for humans recreate, reproduce, destroy, give birth to our ideas, make mental images physical images, but we have a limited time to give impact to the history of life and the human race. why does God live forever, when he did just as we do now, he created the world (this will all be from a christian view). the death of god is only a reality, he may be the embodied spirit that was the ruler amongst the heavens and hell. for he created a culture, a world...the perfect system..

if mother gives birth to child=mother give birth to child=mother give birth to child, than

x gives birth to God=y give birth to God=z....?

what is x? where is it?...everything has a birth and a death, where is his birth?

with the growing power of socialogical explanations, scientific approaches, and the development of a stronger structure of philosophy, we have outdued religion as the security blanket people have known it as. as in the 1500, there was no such thing as atheism (because if you were, you were probably killed) and now in the new millenium we obviously have a growing rate of "x-mas" celebrators who have no faith, but are white, north american and initially adopt the christian religion, only to be labelled as one not practicing faith. I, going to a catholic school have developed a much stronger structure of opinion in reality vs. lala land which most people accept as a way of dealing with fear. as mentioned before, who is God? i can almost portray him as a the father figure in the heavens, which he has commercially become.

if we have faith in everything, than we could no nothing, but count on faith to teach us and let us know everything. if you have faith in something unkown, then you could live in a room alone and have faith that you are the only one alive on this planet. its all a mental process that runs through your concious mind and then redevelops unconciously so that you think you have expierence a "miracle of God" or "my faith has led me", but really what you have been taught about religion just did a relapse and you just applied it to modern life in a situation of fluke, or accident.

the bible was used to control and subdue people during the 4th century and constatine used the church as a tool for government. what happened to the 300 year gap?

we have no beginning, because the beginning is x. x - develpoment - life - **end??**

that variable is so powerful, that people have figure out how to write books to make any type of answer to it, and people have come to believe it; then again billions have. with christianity being the 2nd largest religion in the world, what will come to? a religious government?

when will the black and white images cease and when will reality be put in place?

extientialism, agnostic, atheism, etc...true ideas developed and known to be the belief of multiple philosohpers who have impacted our society.

jesus christ, our savior, the son of god.... so son? x - god=mother - jesus?

wheres jesus's mom? since mary is a virgin...

give me answers to all this.

the death of God began a long time ago, he was once the succession of the human race and the power that "developed" us. he cant live forever, he created what he was, a humanical figure or gesture

the birth and the death....God is dead......

Mon, 25 Oct 2004 03:45:19 GMT

"Condemed, because he did not create himself, yet is nevertheless at liberty, and from the moment that he is thrown into this world he is responsible for everything he does." -sartre

make him responsible for the worlds terror, trouble, war, sickness.....you are our god, right? then help us......
...maybe at this point his fury has reigned, and he has passed on and fallen before his feet and we are, once again, looking for his help in the empty black sky that he never did reign, that black empty sky that halo's or sick world...

Sat, 23 Oct 2004 15:54:33 GMT

url(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v234/cauley/screamofucksbg.jpg) !important;

Sat, 23 Oct 2004 15:52:09 GMT

converge is god, it was the most amazing thing i have seen in a long time. we got their at about 430 and we waited there for a very long time. at about 545, there were over 70 people waiting who didnt have a ticket, as far as i recall i was the only person who got in on an extra ticket from someone else (im so glad i asked every single person in line haha) but i left melissa and lee outside which i felt like shit about at the time, but i found out they snuck in later anyways right before converge started. by the time 9 oclock came around i was completely dead and they were only like half way through their set. i got some wicked pictures.

cave in sucks

between the buried and me can sure pack a punch in such a short set.

i will never forget that night

pictures soon...

Sun, 17 Oct 2004 16:44:04 GMT

if your going converge on friday at the bottom lounge in chicago, you think you might have an extra ticket (or 2 or 3)? ill pay double or more

DESPERATE AS FUCK!

Thu, 30 Sep 2004 23:57:43 GMT

in the last weeks of his life, ted, a highschool senior, drew fantasy cartoons and recorded his thoughts in a written code that only a close friend could decipher. part of teds coded obituruary written shortly before he killed himself read, "my IQ is 142. my mind is diseased, that i know. i am going to kill myself what a relief it was. i am so much better now, you cannot do wrong when you are dead. time is infinite, you are at the beginning..."

Tue, 28 Sep 2004 21:31:12 GMT

http://members.home.nl/saen/Special/zoeken.html

a religious opinion for you all...( i was afraid to say anything in class today, i thought she would kill me)

why is God such a powerful figure in society and religion if now, since God created man and so forth, wouldnt he be relevant in their lives since the beginning, cave men? only in the past 4000 years god has been represented in our society, so why didnt we know about him before? and why is it that we treat the greek gods and stupid myths, but at that time, greek people believed in them as much as christians do in Jesus and God. So what is the truth here? if God did create man, why wasnt her around till recently? there were so many polytheist communities and societies for thousands of years before them. in all, the idea of man created god is a stronger and more sturdy theory than God created man. where was he for those oh say, other 20,000+ years?

homecoming

Sun, 26 Sep 2004 06:32:47 GMT

homecoming was much better than i expected. being with mel was a definite plus. everything went by so fast and before i knew it it was 1 in the morning (i wish i could have spend the night). i lost my jacket and my mom is gonna kill me now, but i did find some gum, which is always a bonus. i couldnt have spent my saturday night any better than with you. <3

undeniable errors in a system we thought was perfect

Fri, 10 Sep 2004 01:49:25 GMT

we should NOT have to go like lemmings everytime the president decides to call a war, everytime all those old white guys in the white house want to prove they are tough by sending your kid to war! i am proud to say that i dont think any of us have any humanity left in us. the tyranny here by the uneducated desicions by someone WE elected as president.

-- the toll in Iraq just hit 1000, now we can add that number to the september 11 death-toll.

-- didnt you always wish as a parent that you would want your child to have the best education possible when you couldnt afford private school? with the redeeming of george bush's education fund, we can now build more missiles and more bombs as we act like immature jerks to see who has the bigger tower of legos in the kindergarten class. we fight as if its a cold war. now with less and less chilrden in places where succeeding in life isnt very hard, you can gaurantee with the funding you were suppose to get, you can now think about the nuclear decomposition thats flowing into your body more and more everyday and how about the possibility of the death of thousands?

-- his war on terrorism is rather a joke when he cant even identify his lack of knowledge on a question he has like 33939 asnwers too.

April 13: "Can you ever win the war on terror? Of course you can."
July 19: "I have a clear vision and a strategy to win the war on terror"
August 30: "I don't think you can win it." source: NYT, Aug. 31, 04

Bush Adds "Fraud" To AWOL with hus very fundemental christian ideas and rich texan buddies, he has been able to stop the development of much more air friendly and sophisticated technology and development for society as well as an econimcal boost and a much more source reliable material. the peak of oil is coming close and as it draws near, we see the end of its production. -- stem cell research could find the links between diseases and the human bodies control and functions to ultimately udnerstand ourselves as well as our race better.we could even possibly find a more distinct answer to cnacer and other complications that we seemed to be puzzled about. because of his christian ideals and how we are playing "god" when he cant even prove what god plays to begin with. thus, who would you vote for? a moron, or...a moron? speak your mind and let people know, dont let these people rule your life and desicions. we live in a FREE country (even though, contradicitng enough as it is, we have rules) with oppurtunities. vote right and think about the future. its YOUR future. you serve your life the way you want it.... </b>

Mon, 06 Sep 2004 19:15:26 GMT

fuck!

please read and comment on what you these ideas

Sun, 29 Aug 2004 19:51:19 GMT

the world has been stolen now, but what about the future?
what about the generations of people to come?
what about the things we destroyed in the name of promise?

in assuring today that there is a future of the world to come. how about the people in the world that our starving because milti-transnational corporations stealing the profit of others and the excess amount of people in the world? what about the lack of selfless behavior to help those in need of your hand? how about capital versus labor, which is people who have money vs. those who dont. what about the ignorant breeding of new viruses in laborities and setting them loose? by selling death, destruction and disaster people are importing drugs into the country so that you are slaved and asleep and become unkown of the truth that is being hidden. how about the major pharmisutical companies/organizations selling drugs so people stay asleep and dont see the truth; selling prozac and zoloft so that you never look around to see that something is wrong with you. the manufacturing of misery that people feel today is delibrately so. theres nothing different with man today than the past except for the development and manufacturing of a new life/drones and a more vast level of intellegence. because of the development of a corrupt society, they are willing to make you a mindless drone for the money that they want in there pockets. people are miseducated, misinformed that in life everyday, they are so concerned in gathering a few dollars they never see what is around them, not caring about anything what-so-ever. all they want to do is work 40 years at there little job 40 hours a week and retire on 40% of what they were earning,they think this is living? they have never lived a day of there lives. never knowing that there is enough for everyone in the world that they would stop stealing from each other thinking that they can hord something from everyone else. all the people that acquire anyinthg in the world is not enough to fill there pcokets in there heart. people in this world have nothing in there heart but empty pockets to bw fill with the fake desire to feel supreme.

when you leave here, who did you help?
what difference did you make in this world?
did you better the world on your life and presence and the distance you traveled here?
if you havent, what kind of person were you? what kind of citizen of the world are you?

there is no thing such as a flag, or a symbol or a nation. army's only serve to kill other people and steal there resources, its been this way since since man started recording history and the time before.

- promoted speech on welcome the plague year 12"

reading between the lines

Tue, 24 Aug 2004 06:26:44 GMT

my night: elaborate as the black sky the screen was full of shock with the amusement of discretion. she waited there as she found her security blanket for the fear. gripping light as if there was truck loads. uptight and next to eachother. the aisles down from where words were broken where veins werent warm anymore. as the records layed deep in me as the past woke me like a bad dream. i never got the right trip, my plane never made it to the mountains but only in the sea, the thousand hues of blue. never certain, never true as the sharks bit your toes. 3 fits in one week as you struggled to chose who should be the one to befriend. 3 i have no certainty over, 2 i know are better, 1 i know would never work, as she rose behind me if nothing has changed seemingly ghostly as the black sky that shown over my night.

brighter minds have always been able to tell us more than those cluttered in the dark